Lessons in Letting Go

Last Friday one of my paintings took a pretty drastic new turn.  I can't say that my intuition took me to this place, I really just started playing and ended up trying something new:

That's a little different, huh?  I have no idea what those weird tubular pineapple-y things are in the center.  They just flew out of my head onto the canvas.  This was definitely just play, but there are a few areas I think actually started to work.  I like the way these white lines frame the glimpses of underlying layers.

This dragonfly flying toward the sun turned up later in the top right corner, leaving behind squiggly lines etched into the wet paint.  Again - I see potential here...something I'd like to explore further.  Even though I did not set out to create this particular painting, the process was productive and fun.

I really am having to relearn how to play and relax.  Life has been pretty heavy for some time now and sometimes my silly mind is very adept at keeping me from being content.  It thinks up all sorts of ways to obsess over things I cannot change or control.  It's like a pressure cooker, this life of mine.  

I finally got a clue over the weekend and started writing morning pages again (Three pages of free-flowing thoughts written each morning - a hugely helpful exercise suggested by Julia Cameron in The Artist's Way).  For me morning pages are a rather chaotic mixture of prayers, vented emotions, observations, and notes to self.  Somehow putting raw thoughts down on paper this way really helps me gain clarity.  

I usually create my wordier blog posts by writing free-flowing thoughts and then whittling away the excess once an idea starts to take shape.  One of these days I'm going to hit publish instead of save when I'm taking a break and some of you are going to come upon a very odd post before I realize what I did!

You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, 

because you might not get there. - Yogi Berra

In other news...here is the very disturbing state of my kitchen today:

Saturday morning we set out to repair a leaky kitchen faucet, which didn't seem at the time to be too big of a challenge.  It's a long story, but two days, nine trips to the hardware store, two new faucets and a new sink later our kitchen still looks like someone turned it upside down and gave it a good shake and I am washing our dishes in dishpans.

I tell you this just to say that I am, once again, challenged to go with the flow and embrace the unexpected.  I truly do sense a theme emerging in my life.  These days life and art seem to be one continuous lesson in letting go and finding joy in the journey.  (Not sure how to find joy in a torn up kitchen...gratitude that it's getting a face-lift, I suppose.)  

That being said, I am now heading to my studio to seek refuge from this chaos!  I hope you are enjoying your journey today!  If you have a few minutes to spare head over to Creative Every Day where Leah Piken Kolouidas offers you the opportunity to share your own creative adventures or simply follow the links to learn more about many inspiring artists and their creations! 

Nature Journal Page

Just sharing a journal page today.  I created it with sharpie marker and watercolors on watercolor paper.  Bits of white gel pen were added here and there as well.

I hope wherever you are today you can spend a little time outdoors.  In any weather or season, nature has many lessons to teach us.

Linking up with:

Paint Party Friday

Unexpected Impression

An intuitive painting took an unexpected turn the other day.  It began as layers of abstract marks and sketchy imagery.

Then an impression of a face appeared on one corner.  (In the bottom left hand corner...the canvas was turned upside down from the way you see it here.)  What struck me was that the girl is looking over her shoulder at me, just like my sister, Jill, did in a dream I had last week.  (You might remember she went to heaven in December.  You can read about her here.)

The girl looked a little pallid so I added some warmer tones and adjusted the drawing a bit.  Now she even looks like my sister to me...except the eyes...I'd like to make them blue like hers.  We talked in my dream and she exuded a serene confidence that I found very settling.  It was an amazing dream...a gift straight from God.

I may play with this image a bit more but then I think I'll set it aside for a while.  It was good to push through the resistance I have to painting faces...like breaking through some sort of barrier.  It helps that I've been inspired by the many artists participating in the 29 Faces Art Challenge.  

Last fall I learned the value of committing to making and sharing art every day during Art Every Day Month.  It is so much fun to embark on such a journey with a group.  The support you receive from other bloggers is phenomenal!

Also phenomenal are the links at creativeeveryday.com this week. Pop over to see what everyone is up to you'll be inspired, I promise!  You can even add your own link so we can see what beautiful, creative things are happening in your life!

Bathers and My New(ish) Bamboo Pad

In my intuitive painting class we are are exploring our own personal imagery and beginning to experiment with using it (or not using it) in our paintings.  This causes some amount of trepidation as sometimes I think my paintings tell me to paint something I usually avoid painting - human figures and faces.  This painting that I posted a few weeks back is a good example.  You may remember I saw one of Edgar Degas' bathers on the right side of the canvas.

Since then I've been thinking a lot about those bathers, revisiting some of those gorgeous images and reading up on Degas' methods and intentions.  He painted literally hundreds of these beautiful images.  I thought I'd share a few here just for you to enjoy.

Edgar Degas.  Woman Combing Her Hair. 1885.

Edgar Degas.  Woman Drying Her Hair. 1889.

These were painted over a span of many years so it's interesting to see the progression of style and emphasis.  Degas' eyesight began to decline in his mid-thirties due to retinal disease and he painted many bathers after he had lost his central vision and much of his ability to see color.  (Read a fascinating account of the loss of eyesight by Degas and Claude Monet in this article by Tracie White)

Edgar Degas.  After the Bath, Woman with a Towel. 1893-97.

As for my painting, I'm putting it on hold for a while.  I don't really know where to go from here so I'll let it sit while I play on the other canvases in progress.  For now, though, I doodled a rough outline of the bather I originally saw since she may disappear the next time I work on this canvas.  (I finally learned to use the Bamboo Pad I got for Christmas!  Yay!)

The Bamboo Pad is a very noncommittal way to experiment a little with form and line without committing to marks on the canvas.  I know, I know...intuitive painting is not about being safe, but I love the direction of this painting and I have no idea how I want to proceed.  I think I'll experiment on some other canvases before I dive back into this one.

I've had a lot of fun playing with my new toy this week.  It was easy to learn and I am amazed at how much the stylus feels and works like a pencil in my hand.  The first thing I did was jot some quotes on top of detail images from some works-in-progress.  I post them here in honor of my creative, inspiring friends (that's you)!

Linking up today with:

Paint Party Friday

Contemplation

Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long 

as life lasts. There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature --

 the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter.

Rachel Carson, Silent Spring

So many lovely things to contemplate in our woods today...

Seeds ready for flight.

A teeny-tiny bouquet.

New growth.

Wonderful, complex textures.

And the tall, tall beautiful-in-every-season canopy of trees.  

See the nest way up in the tippy top of that tree?  I think it belongs to the red hawk that soars over our house from time to time.  Oh, I do love these woods.

Linking up today with

Creative Every Day

Permission to Play

Every day lately I get up and say, "Today instead of painting I need to do this, this, and this."  Without fail, however, I find myself drawn to my studio which has become a magical, joyful, paint splattered place of healing since my journey toward intuitive painting began.  I have no idea what I will end up with when I finally call one of these canvases "finished," but I am enjoying this process immensely.  Thank you, Flora Bowley for inspiring me and giving me permission to play this week!

For several days I have tried to shoot some images of what I've been up to.  I really needed natural light in order to capture just a bit of the depth of these layers and this has been a very overcast week.  Finally this afternoon the sun peeked out rather timidly from behind the clouds.  I grabbed the camera and found that this old structure behind our home makes a very fun gallery wall!

Remember the two paintings from my last post?  You probably won't recognize them now...

One of Degas' bathers turned up in this one.  Do you see it?

Think I went a little overboard?  No worries...I can always simplify a bit with a little more paint :-)

What an adventure.  At some point in the process we will start to develop our personal imagery in these layers of colors and marks.  I am fascinated to learn how Flora will lead us through this process and I'm excited (and a little nervous) to see how my paintings will evolve.  Oh!  I just found a dancer and a raven's head in this one...

I love the way the reflection in this window makes it look like a black and white painting in the middle of all that riotous color!

These paintings look so happy against the weathered wood.  I sort-of wish I could leave them there for a while!  Hmmm...if I run out of canvases I guess I could prime these walls and have at it!  Can you imagine this whole building covered with swirls, lines, and, eventually images?  That would be a beautiful site in these woods.  Better yet, maybe it should be a collaborative effort.  Now that would be beautiful indeed!

Thanks for stopping by today!  I'm linking up today with Paint Party Friday.  Pop over there to find a list of incredible artists also sharing their work today.  You can join us by linking to your own artsy endeavors!

Have a restful and happy weekend!

Forward Motion

The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.

Aristotle

It's interesting, this process of intuitive painting.  It is good for me to loosen up and just play, responding to those little whispers inside.  (It's hard to believe these are the same two canvases I showed you in yesterday's post!)

So many metaphors for life turn up in this process.  These paintings are happening in their own time and I don't really know what's coming next.  Even when I think I have a plan it's probably going to change many times before I reach a conclusion.  Sounds a bit like everyday stuff to me.

I've always thought that if I could see too far down the road in life I just couldn't bear to go there.  It's been difficult for me to come to terms with the reality that some parts of life are just plain hard.  I would so much rather stay oblivious to the dangers, free to play and trust like a child without worry or concern.

I took this photo of the road in front of my house just now.  

We certainly can't see very far down our road on this foggy morning.

But life happens and I am still learning to move forward with hope and joy even with the awareness of the challenges that will surely come.  I keep reaching for this because know it's essential to my health and well-being.  Hope - the belief in possibility - enables me to take risks in life and in art.  It enables me to embrace the child in me and move forward.

That's where my studio comes in...my sanctuary, my safe place to explore and question and grow.  Lately my blog has been that as well.  You've make it so...you stop by to see what new thing I'm up to.  You encourage and lift me up.  You are part of my process.  From the bottom of my heart I thank you.

I have always felt a need for the pieces of life to my fit together...to flow into each other and connect.  This is how life makes sense to me.

So I begin this day with gratitude...with a full and open heart and I have to tell you it feels awfully good.  I'm off to braid my hair (because that's what little girls do) and pick up a paintbrush now.  Who knows what will happen!  :-)

Linking up today with:

Creative Every Day

Just Chillin'

In art as in love, instinct is enough.

Anatole France

This Bloom True intuitive painting course is challenging me on many levels.  No sooner had I added a second layer to two of my canvases last Friday than I started second guessing myself, wishing I had done this or that differently...blah, blah, blah.  I almost talked myself into covering the whole thing with gesso and starting over.  So much for trusting the process!

With the help and encouragement of fellow classmates I worked through some insecurities (at least for now) and decided to accept that "there are no mistakes" in this course.  Funny thing, most of these marks are already covered by another layer of paint anyway!  (I painted well into the evening tonight so I'll have to wait for daylight tomorrow to take photos to share.)

So far this class is revealing so much to me about how I think about making art and even about life in general.  I have wanted to paint freely for a long time but have always held back.  I have to fight a lot of the perfectionism that came with graphics training and, honestly, I have to fight a spirit of comparison as well.  It is so hard not to look at my work and see what it's not instead of what it is.  it is also hard to be patient as I wait for the next step of the process to be revealed.

I have to say, though, I am really happy now with the way my paintings are progressing.  In fact, when I think back to the thoughts I had over the weekend about starting over I have to smile.  I really just needed to chill out and stop thinking so much!