Tunnels

I love details. I sometimes love them a little too much.  I tend to lose perspective and allow projects to morph into tunnels...endless passageways into which I disappear.  

Finding balance has been my greatest struggle as an artist/mom.  Too many times I have rushed headlong into tunnels of creativity, leaving my family, indeed my life, at the entrance.  I like to put a nice label on it.  I like to think of my perfectionism and obsessiveness as passion and focus.  Really, though, the label should read "self-centeredness" as I pursue my own interests at the expense of those around me.

How easy it is to get so caught up in issues of self that we are oblivious to the needs of those around us.  We enter the tunnel, moving deeper and deeper into the dark, ever more removed from the world .  Some get so lost in the tunnel that they sacrifice everything else.

I am held in check by choices I made a long time ago.  I committed myself to loving and supporting a good man for the rest of my life.  I chose to raise children that need my energy and attention for a season.  These commitments sometimes feel like chains but really they are lifelines.  They pull me back to center and my freedom falls within their boundaries.

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