A Great Gift

But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea

between the shores of your souls. - Khalil Gibran 

   

This week I have been given a great gift...time alone by the sea.  I can only imagine what it must be like to live near the ocean where the horizon is so wide open and the land is a constantly changing canvas, washed clean and reshaped again and again by the pounding of the surf.  For a few days I will wander, rest, reflect and dream on my own.  In the evenings I will come together with the man I love and do more of the same.  I find that we are beginning to settle into this rhythm in our everyday lives as well, as our kids are growing up and away from us.  Like so many other transitions I have experienced, this time is bittersweet...a mixture of sadness and excitement, adventure and grief.

Tunnels

I love details. I sometimes love them a little too much.  I tend to lose perspective and allow projects to morph into tunnels...endless passageways into which I disappear.  

Finding balance has been my greatest struggle as an artist/mom.  Too many times I have rushed headlong into tunnels of creativity, leaving my family, indeed my life, at the entrance.  I like to put a nice label on it.  I like to think of my perfectionism and obsessiveness as passion and focus.  Really, though, the label should read "self-centeredness" as I pursue my own interests at the expense of those around me.

How easy it is to get so caught up in issues of self that we are oblivious to the needs of those around us.  We enter the tunnel, moving deeper and deeper into the dark, ever more removed from the world .  Some get so lost in the tunnel that they sacrifice everything else.

I am held in check by choices I made a long time ago.  I committed myself to loving and supporting a good man for the rest of my life.  I chose to raise children that need my energy and attention for a season.  These commitments sometimes feel like chains but really they are lifelines.  They pull me back to center and my freedom falls within their boundaries.

A Bit Wreckless and Very Grateful

"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it; Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."

                                                                                                                                         -Goethe

You know, this blogging thing is amazing, really.  With just a few keystrokes anyone can be a published author.  How extraordinary (and scary).  There are no editors to catch my grammatical errors and typos (although I do have a few grammatically gifted sisters who love me enough to notify me immediately when they see a mistake).  I usually don't bounce my ideas off anyone before I hit the "publish post" button.  It all seems a bit wreckless when you think about it. One click and whoosh...It's out there. 

On a deeper level, there's the issue of content.  When I express my true heart, or put my artwork up for everyone to see I'm taking a chance.  Maybe you won't understand what I am really trying to say.  Maybe you will compare me to endless numbers of artists who are more gifted and more skilled than I.  

Long ago in art school I felt like I put my heart in front of a firing squad each time my work went up for critique.  In that setting you pour your blood, sweat and tears into a project and then invite others to tell you not just the strengths, but the weaknesses they see.  As much as you want and need honest feedback, it can be hard to detach your sense of identity from the way your latest project is received.  Especially at first it feels a bit it like someone takes a peek into the bassinet and says, "Your baby has some good qualities, ma'am, but let me tell you how she could be improved!"  The creative life is not for the faint of heart, to be sure. 

But what choice do any of us have?  We are individuals created in the image of a gloriously creative God.  We were born to share the things that matter most to us.  Our human hearts long to be known and loved. 

So I want to thank those of you who encourage me in my creativity.  You cannot imagine how much it means to me that you read my clumsy words or see my humble efforts and have a kind word to say.  Thank you for being my safe place to grow and learn and try new things. 

Transformations

A few weeks ago I developed a new semi-obsessive interest in silver plated spoons.  (Did you see my last post?)  Since then I've scoured second-hand shops and rummage sales for vintage utensils, the older the better.  I've got some ideas for Christmas ornaments and jewelry, but for now I am having a lot of fun hammering the spoons flat and embellishing them with stamped words and phrases.

Each piece is absolutely unique and full of character, bearing many marks and imperfections. 

I think a lot about spiritual parallels when I work in my studio.  When altering these spoons I remember that they were uncared for and discarded until I purchased them, seeing the potential each one held.  Despite their layers of tarnish and grime, I believed that each one could be transformed into something new and beautiful in its own right.  Do you see where I'm going with this?

I can't think of a better illustration of the transforming love of Christ.  Even in our lowest moments He sees our potential.  He looks far beyond our imperfections and sees something beautiful.  He values us so greatly that He gave His life as the purchase price. 

That's a big message for a little spoon to carry and it was a huge cross for one man to bear.  I hope today you know how valuable and full of potential you are.  In the capable hands of our Creator, marks left by hurt, shame and regret are not only redeemed, but transformed.  Our scars become an essential part of our character and beauty.

Fertile Ground

The line between collage and jewelry is often a bit blurred in my work.  Lately I've been creating small charms by bonding images to sheets of brass and then trimming, sanding and sealing them.  The charms in these necklaces were created with scans of vintage seed packets.  Seeds, like promises, grow and come to fruition in fertile ground.

This necklace is already hanging in the jewelry case in our local coffee shop.  Maybe it will find a new home soon!

By setting aside more time for creative endeavors and disciplining myself with a little more structure in my days, I hope to become "fertile ground" for the potential within me to flourish and grow.  Today I am working on organization in my studio and creating more charm necklaces in preparation for the upcoming street fair in our community.  I am also going to do some research on the Austrian Symbolist painter, Gustav Klimt, as I am fascinated by his compositions.  The subject matter is definitely for "mature" audiences, but I find myself drawn to the collage-like quality and the stunningly intricate graphic detail typical of his creations.  I also love to study the progression of his work as he moved from traditional training to expression that was truly innovative and unique. 

(Read a bit about Gustav Klimt and see some examples of his work here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gustav_Klimt)

What seeds will be planted in your life today?  How will you provide fertile ground for their growth?

Far Away Friend

It’s been a busy week…wrapping up our summer and getting ready for a new school year. With my oldest entering college and my youngest entering junior high school, I am headed full-speed toward an empty nest. It seems that since my daughter began her senior year we look at every activity as the last time we’ll do this…the last time we’ll see that. The days of open houses and field trips are numbered and for a stay-at-home mom, that means a major life change is around the corner.
Saying goodbye to summer this year feels like saying goodbye to a friend who lives far away. I know I'll see my far away friend again, but she won’t be the same. I won't be the same. Life will have shifted a bit (or maybe a lot) when summer returns. It will be good, but it will definitely be different.
What a sweet privilege it is to see my kids grow and mature. Like the butterflies that flit about this time of year, my daughter is coming into her own and my son will follow all too soon. It is an achingly beautiful sight…

Clarity Through Expression

It is only through the effort of expressing that we clarify and make distinct who we are and who we are becoming.

- Jerry Fresia *

I find that blogging is freeing and intimidating at the same time. On the one hand I can say whatever I want. On the other hand, I can say whatever I want. For a mid-fourties girl who has spent a lifetime trying to please others, the opportunity to express myself honestly is a bit daunting.

To express my "self" I must first find out who she is.

It's hard to get used to having my own space...my own platform where I don't have to say the "right" thing. I don't have to blend or keep the peace. Still I find my self wondering what a reader might need to hear or what I could say that would make you want to return to this space of mine. Old habits are hard to break.

As I learn to write from my heart my true self timidly begins to emerge. It's touch and go. She still wants to hide behind the masks that have kept her safe and made her presentable. I have to say, though, it sure feels good when the masks come off and she feels the sun shining on her face. Maybe I should stock up on sunscreen...

* This quote is from an article entitled "Why We Paint"( http://painting.about.com/od/inspiration/a/JFresia_miracle.htm) Many of the ideas the author presents apply not just to painting, but to any creative expression. It's an encouraging read.